This is a switch from some of the other topics I have covered, but still a great question from someone that clearly has a decision to make. Sometimes this happens and I know I have been here before as well. Relationships are hard and so is putting food on the table. I was listening to Joe Rogan’s (JRE) podcast and there was a line that I appreciated in many ways. It was said as “100 years ago we didn’t have jobs, we had trades”. I am paraphrasing, but the point is once upon a time we had trades and you did them. Civilization bumped it up to jobs that we are raised with the mindset that this is the way of life with a house, family and a white picket fence. This is very different that a simple trade you did without the fast pace of world development.
When it comes down to it, there is only one thing to consider. One of the realest things I had a boss tell me was, “At the end of the day I want someone to leave the light on”. His point was that he wasn’t working until 10PM or on the weekends because it’s not worth the loss of his wife. The job doesn’t console you, give you companionship, or laugh with you around the table during Thanksgiving (enter whatever your favorite holiday is here). The job isn’t going to be there for the rest of your life. I know I am sending mixed signals but I am getting to my thought process and sharing a few interesting things I have heard.
The short of this decision is kind of like a checklist.
- Does your spouse support your efforts and endeavors?
- Is the job worth the sacrifice or it has to be taken because of situations?
- Are you doing the very best for your family, spouse, or even friends?
If the answer to all of those is yes then you have found balance between work and home or at least made some type of sacrifice to make it so. If you answered no to any item on that list then you have big problems. Every single question matters because we have 1 shot at life and to waste it on a terrible job or a significant other that doesn’t support you is a true tragedy. I know that choosing a job over your spouse can be hard. I have been divorced twice and it’s never easy. I am not implying that I chose the job over my spouses, just merely noting that I know the realities of difficult decisions and the results of them.
I think in all cases you should seek the support of your friends or professionals that can help only after you have this discussion with your spouse. Communication is vital and either side of the relationship that turns away from it is one that you should walk away from. If my job is satisfying, putting a living wage in my pocket, but I come home to someone who just wants to know where the paycheck is then I am out. I believe in supporting the goals that my family agree on. I need someone cheering me on all the way to the finish line and so do they.
Many might say this is a harsh way of putting it, but it was a real question that was asked by someone on Quora. I have been in these shoes before and I went deep down the rabbit hole before waking up and finally walking away. It was the largest sacrifice I have ever made in my life and it I couldn’t take the mental abuse any longer. I work from home and to have someone that complains that I spend too much time on the computer, or why am I always going to the post office each day to drop off customer orders to make money is not a team player. I can tell you that Team Mulholland works hard day in and day out. We don’t have time for people sitting on the bench. It’s never perfect, but it’s something I try my best on.
I would never pick a job over a SO unless that person was bringing me down. That’s me and my morals & values that are probably different from yours. Jobs come and go, but amazing partners are something to hold on to. I am a firm believer that I have the correct partner, and children that have a drive and are becoming amazing adults. It wasn’t easy getting to 38 years old, and a lot of tears were shed along the path. At the end of the day I made those decisions and I am satisfied with the outcomes. Of course, I could “what if” till the cows come home, but we can’t change the past.
This is no attempt at Love Line with Dr. Drew, but working from home and trying to earn income online is a grind. Always engaging potential clients on Facebook, LinkedIn and pushing content out each day is not a 2-hour/week leisurely experience. The internet is hell to make money on. My wife knows what I am capable of and pushed me to do even better. Does your SO know what you are capable of? Tell me what you believe in the comments. I want to hear your advice and if you have a story to tell please do. I would love to hear about your choices.