Based on Assumption, I am Tired This Morning

I am fucking tiredIt seems that sleeping for only 4-5 hours every night for months eventually catches up to you. This morning being no exception, I am tired. I know you are reading this and wondering how it is possible for someone like myself to need more than 1-2 hours per night, and I assure you that I am really fucking tired. I mean sleepy, not sick and tired of repeating something.

So how do I know I am tired and not grumpy? I get this feeling of frustration and droopy eyes for the first hour or so. Then I drink coffee or tea and the same result happens. Actually I drag ass around the house until I can think of something miserable I can write on 2kgs and if I can’t write anything I usually just curl up in a ball somewhere in the kitchen and cry. If that doesn’t work I surf for pornography and new brake pads for my car on Amazon. If all else fails I try to watch Nova until I can fall back asleep only to find out I can’t fall back asleep. I am not proud that I can’t sleep.

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Black Friday Upon Me Again

I know my readers are just dying to hear what I did on Black Friday so I decided to write a little about my day to show my personal side a bit more. As I heard endless commercials through the week in preparation for Black Friday I waited anxiously for the day of unbelievable sales to smother me in a bank account draining passion. I thought about people stampeding me to get that extra 20% off on the hair dryer, and the deep discount on the plasma TV. I barely could sleep Thursday night, but this is mostly attributed to my knee aches and borderline restless leg syndrome. Continue reading

Wikipedia and Me

Finally a Page

Wikipedia and I need to have a talk. Well, maybe a write off or something. If I could write something to Wikipedia as a whole it would be something like this:

Dear Wikipedia,

You’re special in many ways, but you’re not complete. You are missing me. I know, I know…I am not a rockstar, a pornstar, a mass murderer, Hollywood filmstar, heck I am not even a kid’s show host. I only ask that one day you consider me as a page. I am just a normal guy. I have some children, and I have some websites. I haven’t done anything too special in my life but I can make people smile and laugh. You have around 1.8Mil pages in yourself, and what would be one more about me? Perhaps you could just say a couple things about me like I am handsome, or I am above average in my IQ. I yearn for you to write about me and my life.

Signed,
Desperately seeking Attention Continue reading

If I Was a Dollar Bill

Could you imagine being a dollar bill? No I am not high, I just thought this would be a neat experience in creative writing which I know nothing about. Think about how many people you would touch on a daily basis or even in a year. Being freshly minted and cut from my brothers and sisters on a sheet of paper I would find myself going through extreme security at the U.S. Mint into some bank. At this point I could go out in several ways. Perhaps someone would walk in and take me through a bank robbery then I could have that feeling of evil and hiding out somewhere inside a canvas bag smelling the sweat of the criminal that took me.

Maybe I could be taken through the teller window and placed into some wallet of a guy that is heading to the local strip join. I could sit on the table enjoying the women of the pole until the right one comes by, then I could be aggressively shoved into a g-string or guarder belt where I could feel the soft skin of a women trying to feed 3 kids at home. As I am counted with 50 other ones that were collected throughout the night and I can sit and hope she will tuck me, the special one, into the bra so I could get a cheap feel of her breast. This could be that skanky dream I have been looking for now that I write this. I could be lucky enough to be spent at the local grocery store in exchange for 2 bottles of baby food. Continue reading