Often I spend time in my neighborhood seeing activities take place from the kids hanging out to random shootings. My neighborhood is distant from what I grew up knowing. In many ways it has directly affected the way I look at the world from an all color world to a world of black. When I came to my neighborhood I found a house I wanted to buy and settle into. I didn’t know the people yet, I didn’t understand the social dynamics. I grew up in New England where race itself is mutual in the way people are treated, respected, and live with each other. I didn’t view one color from another differently.

I have traveled the world, and experienced many cultures. I have studied religion, social interactions, dynamics, and ways countries differ from one another. I can say that I am an experienced person that has been fortunate enough to take in the amount of difference our world offers. So a question I ask myself each day is how is this small world of my community making such an impact on me and my family’s desire to leave. Yes, I am saying I no longer wish to be immersed in this dreadful and forsaken road I call home.

The racial dynamics are simple. My street consists of me and 2 other white families, I believe 4 Mexican families, and the remaining homes are occupied by African Americans. So you see I am a minority which is not much concern for me as I normally am where I have lived and traveled to. The distinct difference comes in not education, and not opportunities. Instead the differences come in direction and self driven wants in life. I would say the median income of my community is about $25K annually. Comparing that to the cost of living I would say that is decent. Most people here rent but some own their home and almost everyone that is of age to drive owns a car.

During the first few weeks of moving into my home I would spend time in the evening after work relaxing on my front porch to give me the opportunity to meet the neighbors and enjoy the fall air. I distinctively remember 3 young boys, none being over the age of 10 walking up the road and started slinging racial slurs and one even went as far to pick up a rock and throw it at me. This is the first time I had ever experienced this especially while just sitting on my porch. Afterwards my neighbor came over to try to explain that here people grow up with the expectations that they are being held back and my skin tone was enough to cause hell to break loose. This is coming from an elderly black man that I often talk with when I find him also enjoying the evening breeze.

From that day forward it never got better. My house was broken into twice since my stay here in almost 4 years, and the looks of deceptive lies in everyone’s eyes that I say hello too. Is this paranoia? Well I certainly won’t rule that out but I think with my experiences here they are merited. The Mexicans are harmless as all they want to do is celebrate every occasion and introduce tequila to anyone that will allow them too. The black part of the community is different though.

There is never anything truly going on it seems as everyone is always hanging out whether it’s on the corner or in the front of the food store up the road. The gang of boys spend time under the hood of a $100 car that was made in 1960 that’s obviously on it’s last leg before the junkman comes and takes it away. Yet, with a car in that condition they would rather spend what money they have on 24″ rims and a Maaco paint job. As a friend explained to me, this is called the “peacock effect”. As it was explained to me, this is when a man wants for nothing, and has nothing but materially has to show the world he is someone. So he who has the biggest rims, the craziest piece of crap car, is more gangster than the next, or whatever MTV and BET is plugging for the day wins the “Peacock” award. In the end this is how he is able to get the girl he wants over the other males. These things in combination is the poor man’s way of spreading his feathers like he is someone.

I have been mesmerized by this societal demonstration ever since. I have seen this through a shitty car painted in a bright green paint with actual Skittles through the paint job. This man rolls around in what obviously cost him $400 as if he is the best thing since sliced bread until I seen the Reese’s Pieces car, boy that was a sight. The candy competition is incredible here, but the sports teams is coming into a rage of it’s own with GA Tech cars, GA Bulldog cars, and whatever team is the flavor of the day. All these companies are getting free advertising! All of these cars are atop 22″+ rims that are rented. Yes, I wrote rented. It’s a new way to increase your peacock. For $10-$40 a week you can rent rims. So if the first set didn’t rise you above into acceptance you can just bring them back and rent a different set for another try. I am sure you may have seen these cars which have come into a slight popularity in the last 2 years. I always thought jacked up trucks were for the white rednecks, so these jacked up cars must be the black rednecks. Either way these are assumptions and not meant to stereotype as I see a very small percentage of white teenagers fitting in with the same type of cars.

So eventually I stop going out of my house unless it’s to my secluded backyard. I don’t want to indulge in this community any longer. They want to be poor, they want to be this way. I have asked many people in my neighborhood why and they all respond the same way. They say it’s the way it needs to be. I am sick to my stomach with the racism in my neighborhood, the use of the N word (I would spell it out but then my blog may be blocked from certain servers around the world), the way the women have to parade around like skanks so they can get this soldja boy they desperately need, and I am tired of feeling repressed when i am not even black or repressed.

America has a long way to go before we are really ready to face the world. It’s not the white man’s fault, it’s not the Indian’s fault, and it’s not the Black man’s fault. It’s an individuals choice and some individuals would rather be something other than successful. They would rather me feel guilty for being here, and they would rather no one question it.